Swooping magpies the best sprint trainer ever
THERE'S nothing like a swooping magpie to improve your sprint times.
Trust me, you may think you can't ride any faster, but fear of having your eyes pecked out really works on your personal best.
Cycling up a back street on my way to work on Monday morning, my first thought was a seed pod had fallen from a tree and hit my helmet.
Instead, an extremely large and very cross bird was dive-bombing me as though we were in Zombie Apocalypse 3: Revenge of the Magpie.
Forget Alfred Hitchcock's tame budgies, this was a bird on a mission.
There I was, tootling along, avoiding parked and moving cars, enjoying the scenery and the aroma of fragrant flowers, when a bird the size of a bag of potting mix, with an attitude a Dalek would admire, was bashing my helmet and snapping his beak at my ears.
I made it up to the top of the street in record time.
Amazing how quickly you can cycle uphill when the right motivation presents itself.
I said 'he' as according to the ornithology boffins, 99% of swoopers are blokes.
However, I'm not taking their attacks personally.
But this means either I have to avoid these streets for a few weeks or get used to pedalling harder, faster and avoid the machinations of a beak.
Because let's face it, a magpie can fly around 20kmh, a heck of lot faster than my top hill-climbing speed.
But if I'm zooming downhill at 45kmh, which given the route on my commute is perfectly possible, then a tap on the head from one of these aggressive avians at 20kmh could be enough to see me cash in my ambulance cover.
It looks like I'll be lugging up the Bruxner Hwy for the next few weeks.
So if you see a cyclist with a silver backpack on during the rush hour, give me a little room as you pass, in case I get swooped.
Because you never know when Zombie Apocalypse 3 could be continuing.
Check out the national Magpie Attack Map.