Old Christmas carols need to be replaced: OPINION

SUPERMARKET customers would wipe away mid-summer sweat and grow envious when Bing the Groaner crooned White Christmas. With the thermometer boiling its mercury they dreamed about sleighing around frigid landscapes with Christmas trees dripping icicles.

Bing and his unlikely Yuletide weather comment appear to have had their day. We hear him now about as often as we get a snowstorm with our Christmas dinner.

I have to admit that as a kid I had some doubts about Christmas carols. I wondered why one was about oakum, the unravelled rope that ancient sailors used to light up when they were desperate for a smoke.

This was explained when I was told the title of the carol wasn't Oakum All Ye Faithful.

In the sobriety of my youth I pondered why Rudolph's nose was red. Was he some over-imbibing sleigh-puller with a proboscis lit up like a stop light, driven by an old bloke in a red coat, with a matching nose and in no condition to be climbing down chimneys? When I read that Rudolph was just a figment of a Yank ad man's selling imagination, it was reassuring to know we wouldn't have some tipsy duo on our Christmas roads trying to avoid the booze bus.

Silent Night was difficult to cop when the houseful of noise-makers were making nights ... and days ... about as silent as a pop singers' convention.

Jingle Bells fell out of favour when there was nothing in our pockets to jingle - bells or anything else - after buying Christmas fodder to stuff ourselves with and gifts that nobody wanted.

Christmas carols that are past their use-by date and have no relevance to the modern scene could be replaced with something more appropriate.

Pauline Hanson could give us I'd Like to Get You on a Slow Boat to China; we'd never get tired of Tony Abbott's All I Want for Christmas is One Front Bench Seat; rugby league could have its choir of the suspended warbling about emptying Ten Green Bottles.

Now wouldn't that be better than hearing how good Good King Wenceslas was?

If he was so good, why was he murdered in the 10th Century by his brother who became known as Boleslaw the Bad?

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