Notorious party town hosts its least smelly festival
BYRON Writers Festival 2019 organisers are bracing for this year's crowd to "kick off big time" if Leigh Sales bungles her lipstick selection or criticises Bob Hawke in any way shape or form.
Sales is one of around 120 scribblers set to present at this year's soft left Lollapalooza of literature and police are preparing for outbreaks of scowling and tongue clicking if the ABC fat cat fails to capture the lippie zeitgeist or throws the least amount of shade on Hawkie.
The rustle of pages being turned and the mouse-like squeal of feedback caused by presenters asking the crowd, "is this microphone turned on" into a microphone that is already on, will signal the start of the least smelly of all the festivals that call the Byron Shire home.
Local hospital and emergency workers expect the legally drugged up crowd to begin sweeping slowly into town in a haze of Voltaren from Friday sparking a wave of stopping suddenly in the middle of the road for no reason and poor parking.
Tankers of room temperature pinot grigio have been arriving on the festival site since June and organisers are bracing for plenty of shushing in the festival's renowned static mosh pit with revellers expected to jolly well crack on well into the early hours of about 8.30pm.
Police are calling up reinforcements to deal with a flurry of drug related incidents as many attendees may forget their medication or take the wrong ones what with the morning pills looking very much like the evening pills and the restaurants here being so very noisy and really quite poorly lit if you want to know my opinion.
With plenty of hard core simmering down expected, fashionistas are already predicting that post-Leftapalooza you just won't look at wearing a cardigan or a skivvie the same way again.