STRANGE POLITICS: Nine things more popular than Bill Shorten
BILL Shorten's approval rating has sunk to an all-time low of 14%, but all is not lost. He is still more popular than unfurling toilet paper from the back of the roll (by a single percentage point) according to a survey of bathroom habits released last month.
Considering the list of things that have him trumped, he should take any positive affirmation available at this point. Stuff more popular than Bill Shorten includes…
A 2008 survey found 30% of Brits admitted deriving pleasure from other people's misfortune. That explains One Direction's popularity, then.
GEORGE W. BUSH
Even at his lowest point, the 43rd president of the United States had an approval rating of 22%. Not bad for a semi- literate warmonger who, in a Freudian slip, once boasted the country's enemies "never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we".
PEEING IN THE SHOWER
If you are not already doing it, chances are someone in your house is. The same survey of 1000 Americans that told us about the dunny roll habits found a whopping 61% of men and women had no issue making their bladder gladder while rinsing their armpits.
BECOMING A TEEN MUM
A study run by the statistically reputable Tyra Banks Show revealed one in five of the 10,000 young girl respondents actually wanted to be a teenage mother.
Heinz asked folks about their most hated vegetables and found those crunchy green balls of boredom had an approval rating of 61%. That is four times higher than Shorten.
Not sure if the Brits are just a tad weird, but apparently one in five would indulge in a bit of how's your father with a lifelike robot if the chance arose. If you believe the 2014 survey of 2000 people, it truly gives new meaning to the term "sex machine". And Silicon Valley, come to think of it.
The Australian Academy of Science's 2013 report card of the country's science literacy uncovered some fairly damning stuff. For instance, 27% of us think humans and dinosaurs lived side by side. For which I blame the tremendous '90s cartoon Dino-Riders, in which humans did battle while riding on the backs of large scaly beasts strapped with laser guns and missiles. I thought it was a documentary.
The idea of heliocentrism - that the earth revolves around the sun - has been fairly well accepted for a while now. Copernicus came up with the first geometric model for it in the 16th century, and clever ducks like Kepler and Galileo built on the theory. But the National Science Foundation's study of 2200 people found 26% still believed the sun revolved around the earth in 2012.
Perhaps most damning, even the dubious statistics relied on for this column are more popular than Bill Shorten. Data investment company Kantar conducted a poll in 2013 that found 19% of people believed surveys were not biased.
Strange Politics is a satirical column. Follow Chris Calcino on Twitter: @ChrisCalcino