Mastering the art of bowls hits the ditch

I WAS all set to play in the Masters Games yesterday morning. It didn't matter I had no idea how to play lawn bowls, what mattered was that I was turning up and giving it a go.

I was registered to play a friendly game with Helen Hughes from Southern Cross University as my partner (who also had never played the game) and we were up against Lismore MP Thomas George and Mitch Lowe from Lismore City Tourism.

We had originally put our hands up to play indoor bowls but this had been cancelled and we were allocated lawn bowls.

I had been told by events manager John Bancroft I didn't have to wear the traditional white and could go 'barefoot'. I declined the 'barefoot' option, little realising this meant sandshoes on the green, not bare feet.

I think my stepfather Sid Nairn, a champion lawn bowler, would have turned in his grave.

Helen and I met up at the Lismore Cup on Thursday to devise a strategy to uphold the female end of this game, but as neither of us knew the rules, the only strategy we could think of to get us across the line was to cheat.

We both decided this was unsportsmanlike and as we didn't know how to score we quickly abandoned this option.

But all my knee bending exercises and getting tips from staff in the know about the right bias on the bowl went for nought when the phone rang yesterday morning.

Thomas was unable to make it as he was held up in Parliament so the blokes had forfeited the game.

Helen and I had won our match and we didn't have to bend a knee. I wonder if we will get a certifcate?

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