GRATE: Stage one of the installation of Corey Thomas's 12 metre tall lighthouse sculpture on the new Bayshore Drive Roundabout at Byron Bay.
GRATE: Stage one of the installation of Corey Thomas's 12 metre tall lighthouse sculpture on the new Bayshore Drive Roundabout at Byron Bay. Christian Morrow

Making Byron grate again: Snazzy fix for sculpture fiasco

WHAT exactly are we to do with our giant disco dong, the 'Lighthouse' sculpture at the corner of Bayshore Drive?

Byron Shire Council wants the artist to come and complete it gratis (except for $25,000-$50,000 worth of lollipop signs and traffic cones), still others have a petition going to pull it down.

Judging by comments on social media, ratepayers are angry at the amount of money spent and embarrassed or puzzled by the outcome.

It appears the whole commissioning and installation process was a massive dog's breakfast or as they say in France "le pooch avec croissant de merde".

But, as an art work, the Dong does have one massive thing going for it -- controversy.

We all know controversy is one of the most effective marketing tools known to humankind, if you don't wilt under the pressure of public opinion or the weight of the social media pile on.

Think Jackson Pollock's Blue Poles, The Sydney Opera House, The Sex Pistols, Kanye and so on.

So having laid out the problem in a typically forensic Byron Shire News way, we can reveal exclusively here a fool-proof solution chockers with cross-synerg-ization, blue sky thinking and pregnant with promotional possibilities.

We move to do a total re-brand.

We wrap the pointy birds with their razor sharp edges tight around the structure and re-launch the whole thing as a giant cheese grater.

Coffs Harbour has its Big Banana, the Sunshine Coast has the Big Pineapple, Goulburn has the Big Merino and Tamworth has the Big Golden Guitar.

Byron Bay shall henceforth have The Great Byron Bay Grater... in your face Big Prawn at Ballina.

Imagine how the kiddies eyes will light up when they find out there is another big thing to visit.

Imagine how much closer you will become as a family when at the end of your visit you ask, "How was our trip to see the giant cheese grater, kids?"

Imagine them looking up from their iPhones for a nano-second to shout: "It was Great!!!"

You all laugh, making golden family memories right there and then.

But wait, there's more.

Just when you think The Great Byron Bay Grater can't get any greater, it does.

Byron Bay's foodies can take it up a notch.

Local cheese makers create a giant mozzarella cheese to get grated on the Great Grater to go on top of the worlds biggest pizza that we cook in the Cavanbah centre which we convert into a wood fired pizza oven for one night.

The whole thing becomes a giant self perpetuating marketing machine of bigness.

And that my friends is how we stop Byron Bay becoming the object of ridicule and derision.

The bumper sticker also writes itself -- How grate is Byron Bay? Hilarious.



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