Would you sleep with this guy in your bedroom?
LET me share with you a bedtime story.
No, this is not a childrens' story, and no I'm not about to go all Shades of Grey on you.
This story is a horror story - the stuff of nightmares.
Last night, after diligently brushing my teeth of course, I went to bed.
My husband had already gone to bed hours before and was well and truly in the land of nod.
I walked around the end of the bed ... and trod on something. It moved.
It was dark. Just what that something was, I don't know, but I was quickly doing that backward chicken-dancey-thing you do in the hope you can somehow un-step on the thing you just stepped on.
I ran to kitchen to get a torch and returned to the scene of the crime.
I searched everywhere. Around the bed, in the bed, under the bed, under my husband, under the mound of clothes in the corner, and found ... nothing.
I convinced myself the thing I trod on was obviously one of those said bits of clothing, or my husband's dangling foot, and climbed into bed.
Of course I couldn't sleep and lay there in the darkness listening to every creak and rustle, thinking the worst.
But then the rustle became the torch falling off my bedside table, the the lamp ... and then I was out of there.
Before you think I left my husband there at the mercy of the mystery thing, I did return, with another torch, and crept around the bed.
This time, I found something. I wish I didn't find something. I wish I found nothing.
I found a carpet snake.
The thing I trod on, was a carpet snake.
The thing that crawled around my bedside table, NEXT TO MY HEAD, was a carpet snake.
I shook my husband awake to share the news.
"What are we going to do about it?" I asked.
"What are WE going to do about it?" he said as I stood bravely at the other end of the house.
Now he's a country bloke, and while he did try to move the little fella on, he declared: "Just go back to bed, we'll just make it cranky."
By this time I was a bit cranky.
I was not going to sleep in my bed with a carpet snake.
He did though. Went straight back to sleep.
I slept in the spare room with the door jammed shut.
He was still asleep when I left for work early this morning, and not engulfed by a hungry snake.
I did check, not a snake in sight.
Might move to the spare room .... or to a new house.