As a woman, Barry O’Sullivan has much to look forward to
So, Queensland Nationals Senator Barry O'Sullivan has decided to declare himself as a woman.
The 61-year-old announced his life-changing stunt to the Senate on Wednesday, reasoning that if he's a woman "you'll no longer be able to attack me."
The "attacks" O'Sullivan referred to were objections his colleagues had to the anti-abortion views he's expressed on a number of occasions since his 2014 election.
But more specifically, his failed motion to ban pro-choice activists from protesting on the annual "Day of the Unborn Child", which he had attempted to pass earlier in the week.
Speaking to the Senate, Lady O'Sullivan explained that "these people come and attack me for my religious basis the other day, using words like rosary beads, because I had the audacity to raise issues around late-term abortions where babies that are only minutes away from getting a smack on the arse and a name, are being aborted under the policies of the Australian Greens."
(For the record, the most recent data from the Australian Institute of Health and Welfare shows that just 0.7 per cent of abortions carried out in Australia are carried out after 20 weeks.)
Now being a woman gets a pretty bad rap, but is it deserved?
Sure, you can't do things like walk alone at night or wear certain items of clothing without being chastised by society for your stupid choices, but there's a hell of a lot of good about being a woman, too.
So, from one member of the sisterhood to another, Baz, here's just a few things you have to look forward to.
Earning substantially less money each year
According to figures released this week, the gender pay gap is still alive and well across Australia. So much so that on average, women are earing $26,000 a year less than their male counterparts for exactly the same job!
Now, I know that sounds bad, but when you think about it, it makes sense. Men produce testosterone. And eat bigger servings of meals. And play all that lunch time sport matches that go for a suspiciously long amount time. So them earning more than you is just basic maths in action. You'll start to understand once all of the hormones in your lady brain settle down.
People calling you "divisive" for speaking in public
See also: being called hysterical. See also: being asked if you're about to get your period when you're in a bad mood. See also: being asked if you might be pregnant every time you feel sick. See also: being labelled as "polarising". See also: being called "brave" when you take your clothes off.
Less superannuation upon retirement
Now, this is an issue that tends to really get the knickers in a knot, but who knows why.
Yes, women are retiring with substantially less superannuation than their male counterparts because of things like not being paid equally and taking time out from their careers to raise kids, but really, maternity leave? More like holiday leave, am I right, Barry?
And, yes, less superannuation will leave you at greater risk of falling into poverty or becoming homeless, but don't worry. Women live longer than men, so you'll have years, if not decades, to really settle into it and enjoy your new status in life.
Now, sadly you're past the breeding age, Baz, but fear not, you could still be eligible for menopause - a joyous once-in-a-lifetime experience that includes years of symptoms like nausea, dizziness, migraines, and extreme mood swings.
It sounds bad but it's actually really practical because it teaches you some really great basic life skills.
Like remembering to wash the spare sheets immediately so that when you sweat through one set overnight there's fresh ones at the ready.
And how to drive a car when you've got a migraine. And budgeting for all that extra money you may have to fork out for hormone replacement therapy.
Apparently the whole thing is a real treat - up there with getting your period every month for roughly 40 years, they say.
Being attacked for having pro-life views
Crazy as it sounds, lots of people who are both women and pro-life are also attacked for their opinions on this highly contentious and political issue on a regular basis.
Especially when they're elected representatives being paid from the public purse.
They also tend to get rape and death threats at a higher rate than male senators and MPs do as well, but those come into the office over all kinds of issues, not just abortion, so you'll have lots of correspondence to look forward to.
What can I say, Baz? We live in a crazy, crazy world.
Katy Hall is a writer and producer for RendezView.