Indonesian Military personnel who would be involved in the invasion if it were real. Possibly. Nobody knows. What do you want from me?
Indonesian Military personnel who would be involved in the invasion if it were real. Possibly. Nobody knows. What do you want from me? AFP PHOTO / Bay ISMOYO

VB Day: Euphoria as Australia declares war on Indonesia

Frisky Business is a satire column. It is not real. 

THOUSANDS of specially trained Australian sleeper-agents in Bali this morning began a snap invasion of Indonesia.

The agents, some of Australia's best, blondest and loudest, made their way from popular drinking beaches to nearby military objectives after Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull gave the order.

So far, Indonesian casualties have been non-existent as their entire military were occupied on one small island trying to kill two drug dealers.

"This morning at 0400 hours we began an attack on our northern neighbour, Indonesia," said Prime Minister Julie Bishop at a press conference.

"Between their failure to stop the boats and their execution of two innocent Australian drug dealers, we knew in our hearts that war was the only option.

"We ask that everyone stay calm and listen to talkback radio in this time of abject terror and impending death."

While reactions from the international community are still coming in, US Secretary of State Terry Offstait told the Associated Press "We're going for the white ones."

British Prime Minister Campbell Newman condemned Australia's uni-lateral and surprise attack on another sovereign nation.

"What Australian Prime Minister Christopher Pyne needs to know is this: we will not tolerate our colonies starting wars without us."

"We haven't buggered an island since the Falklands and we'll be damned if we don't make this a full Top Gear special.

"But what's this about drug dealers?"

Frisky Business reporter Jenn Dakuir was on the scene as it happened.

"What do you mean file a report?" she said.

"I'm on holiday you maniac! Why is everyone shooting?"

Notices:

The naked man arrested on Racecourse Road has been returned to New South Wales.



IMMEDIATE CHANGE: Level 3 water restrictions for Nimbin

IMMEDIATE CHANGE: Level 3 water restrictions for Nimbin

A number of tough new water-saving measures have been introduced by Lismore City...

Bulk water deliveries should pass on Council’s fee waiver

premium_icon Bulk water deliveries should pass on Council’s fee waiver

Will other councils follow their lead and save customers $34 on water...

SMOOTH RIDE: New section of Pacific Highway now open

premium_icon SMOOTH RIDE: New section of Pacific Highway now open

THE 5km section is four lanes of divided road, and will help reduce travel time.