Lifestyle

Wobbles in world of wigglie

Thirsty Cow is purely fiction. Any similarities with actual events or something you dreamt once is purely coincidence. Opinions expressed in this column are not necessarily held by anybody.
Thirsty Cow is purely fiction. Any similarities with actual events or something you dreamt once is purely coincidence. Opinions expressed in this column are not necessarily held by anybody.

THE world of children's entertainment has been thrown into disarray through a decision by singing group The Wigglies to swap guys in yellow skivvies.

The change is the biggest scandal to hit the group since Anthony grimaced during the singing of Fruit Salad Yummy Yummy and scientists questioned the anatomical accuracy of Dorothy the Dinosaur.

The singing group, which produces more wealth than the whole of Europe, has restored former yellow Wiggly Greg to the group, leaving the incumbent Sam with nothing but a wardrobe full of identical clothes and repetitive strain injury.

A spokesperson for the group said Sam was happy to step aside for Greg and was looking forward to earning less money and everyone forgetting his name.

"To be honest we had no idea this whole thing would blow up into such a hot potato, hot potato," he said.

"Sam is really okay with it through his heads and shoulders knees and toes, knees and toes.

"He will walk away with lots of memories, a shiny red car and a wad of cash to encourage him to act happy. We are pretty sure the kids will be okay with it.

"Let's face it, all freakishly happy middle-age men in yellow skivvies singing gibberish look pretty much alike."

The group denied reports the news had prompted Sam to break four tennis racquets and abuse an umpire.

Sam was unavailable for comment but released a video, apparently recorded in a secret desert bunker, thanking his young fans and urging them to keep wiggling a lot and try to stay di dicki do dum.

The group spokesman rejected suggestions an extra Wiggly should have been added to the line-up to avoid casting Sam into the street.

"That is a ludicrous suggestion," the group spokesman said.

"We are completely out of primary colours."

Former prime minister Kevin Rutt said he believed it was appropriate to restore the former Wiggly, particularly as the Wigglies were suffering declining popularity, confusing the population with Dungley Wobble and having problems with the carbon footprint of the big red car.

Prime Minister Julia Gizzard defended yellow Wiggly Sam, explaining the original Wigglies had lost their way and needed fresh blood, new ideas and a more consultative approach with the pirate and the octopus.

Labor heavyweight Bill Snorton said he would be arguing for a compromise turquoise Wiggly on the basis that most kids did not want the new or the old yellow wiggly.

Original Wiggly Jeff said he did not know what was going on because he had slept through the whole thing.

Thirsty Cow is fiction. Any similarities with the real world are most likely in your imagination.

Topics:  humour column, opinion, thirsty cow


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