THE call connects with Nathaniel Beard from The Beards and the first question comes from him, before we can say anything.
"Hello! Do you have a beard?"
Luckily I have a trimmed, slim version. That's enough to kick off the conversation.
"It's not about how big your beard is, it's about having a beard," is his answer.
In case you haven't heard, The Beards only sings songs about, you guessed it, beards.
The band is formed by Johann Beardraven, Nathaniel Beard, Facey McStubblington and John Beardman Jr, all from Adelaide.
Can I just confirm your surname is Beard?
Unfortunately my surname was not originally Beard, but it is now!
Everyone in the band (changed their names) except for Facey McStubblington, that is his real name.
What inspired All the Bearded Ladies?
That song was written by Johan. .
It is still a social taboo for a female to have a beard and he's trying to start phase two of our operation, which is making female beards socially acceptable, or even make them the norm.
We'd like to see more ladies with beards.
Would you date a bearded woman?
I am happily married to a woman with no beard, but let me be clear. If I was to meet a woman with a beard, I would leave my wife that very same day.
Nathaniel, they are called drag queens.
Call them what you will, I call them delicious.
* The Beards will play at the Great Northern Hotel, Byron Bay on July 6. Book here.